By Rochelle Taylor
Clubs are interesting places. Girls dress in skimpy clothes, insanely high heels that make their feet hurt halfway through the line, and too much makeup. Their low-cut shirts, short, skin-tight skirts, and shiny jewelry are all carefully considered to determine which combination will draw the most male attention. The males, on the other hand, don’t spend nearly as much time worrying about how they look. Jeans, button-down shirts, shoes, gel in the hair and they are good to go.
These people all get together and stand in a ridiculously long line in order to pay a bulky man at the front door their hard-earned money. They then try to make their way to bar where they overpay for watered-down alcoholic beverages so they can have an excuse to lose their inhibitions later that night. These lucky people then stand around trying to look indifferent in hopes of attracting a member of the opposite sex without appearing to be too interested.
Despite my better judgment, the other night I went forth into the jungle in an effort to have fun with some friends. And, amazingly enough, I did. I danced with a couple of guys, I danced with my girls, I had some margaritas.
Then came my opening with the guy I had been making eye contact with all night. We were both at the bar, and I made a random comment to him that made him laugh. We began talking (if you can call shouting over the pounding beat of the music talking). Then we started dancing. Then we started dancing closer. Soon enough, you could not tell where one of us stopped and the other began. Lips brushed necks and ears and cheeks. Then we started kissing. We were virtually having sex while standing up (and fully clothed).
But, my friends were ready to leave. Luckily, I had prepared myself for just such an incident by refusing to shave my legs. This age-old trick ensured that I would not go home with the boy, despite his pleas. I gave him my phone number and went on my merry way, not thinking much of it. I figured I had seen the last of him, since he was apparently just looking for a one-night stand.
But, much to my surprise, he called the very next morning just as I got to work. I did not pick up, as I did not have time to talk to him. He left an entirely normal message, throwing in bits of our conversation from the previous night to ensure that I knew who he was.
After work, I returned two other voice mails I had received first. While I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends, he called again. After I got off the phone with her, I listened to the second voice mail he had left. He mentioned his name and number and where I had met him the night before. But then, it got creepy.
He said “I hope you remember me. I have called you twice now and you haven’t called me back. I just want to see if you are willing to finish what you started.” Hello, stalker. This guy had just committed every sin that any female has ever been accused of. He was clingy, needy and demanding. He called twice in less than eight hours. Every rule of dating had officially been broken.
Yet, somehow, I was motivated to call him. I was afraid that if I didn’t, my voice mail would be full in a week. I knew that it was the only way to stop him from continually calling.
Luckily, when I called, he seemed quite normal. He apologized that he had forgotten that I had to work so late. And, he even invited me on a perfectly normal date. I accepted graciously. I shall see if he exhibits further stalker behavior. Maybe to play it safe, I should meet him in public for our first date. No need to show stalker boy where I live…
Thursday, August 2, 2007
How Old is Too Old For Casual Dating?
By K.C. Morgan
Single, at an Older Age
When you’re young and single, the world is full of possibilities. There are lots of other young singles to connect with, lots of opportunities to meet new people, and plenty of activities to enjoy together. But, being divorced, widowed, or single at a more advanced age can feel very, very lonely. Today’s singles’ scene seems to be a meat market for the young…and that makes finding an age-appropriate mate a very big task.
You may not be ready to be married or even to commit to a serious relationship, but does that mean you can’t enjoy casual dating? Absolutely not! Even for older singles, there is a thriving and active community out there where you can find someone to spend time with, and it doesn’t have to get any more serious than that (unless, you want it to!).
Find Age-Appropriate Mates
For older singles, going to singles’ mixers and bars is little more than a waste of time. Such places are for younger daters, and only 9% of women and 2% of men have said they’ve found a relationship in a bar or club. There are some places to find singles from another generation, however. A good place to start is through assisted living communities. Even if you don’t live in one of these places, they often put together events and mixers that allow seniors to mingle. Often, churches organize events for older singles as well. Also, don’t give up on the online community. There are plenty of older singles who use matchmaking sites.
Are You Compatible?
No one wants to waste their time by going out on bad first dates. A good way to avoid this is to determine how compatible you are with your potential date. Use the following mental checklist to see if the date is worth the effort:
Is it easy to make conversation?
Do you have a few things in common?
Do you enjoy some of the same things?
Most importantly, do you enjoy the time you have spent together?
Are They Interested?
Sometimes, you may have a candidate in mind when you’re considering a date. Find out if they’re interested by looking for a few warning signs:
They approach you for conversation.
They make it a point to seek you out – either for a friendly smile, a wave, or a greeting.
They remember details about you, i.e. likes and dislikes, your regular habits, etc.
They invite you to group activities and events with friends.
Ask Them Out!
Even when you feel ready to date and you’re interested in someone who’s probably interested in you, asking someone out is a frightening experience. The fear of rejection is huge – but don’t let it be enough to stop you. If you’d like to go on a date with a certain person, the key to saving face (even in the face of rejection) is keeping it casual. Make it sound like a simple suggestion when you see each other out and about – “would you like to go get a cup of coffee?” for example.
Single, at an Older Age
When you’re young and single, the world is full of possibilities. There are lots of other young singles to connect with, lots of opportunities to meet new people, and plenty of activities to enjoy together. But, being divorced, widowed, or single at a more advanced age can feel very, very lonely. Today’s singles’ scene seems to be a meat market for the young…and that makes finding an age-appropriate mate a very big task.
You may not be ready to be married or even to commit to a serious relationship, but does that mean you can’t enjoy casual dating? Absolutely not! Even for older singles, there is a thriving and active community out there where you can find someone to spend time with, and it doesn’t have to get any more serious than that (unless, you want it to!).
Find Age-Appropriate Mates
For older singles, going to singles’ mixers and bars is little more than a waste of time. Such places are for younger daters, and only 9% of women and 2% of men have said they’ve found a relationship in a bar or club. There are some places to find singles from another generation, however. A good place to start is through assisted living communities. Even if you don’t live in one of these places, they often put together events and mixers that allow seniors to mingle. Often, churches organize events for older singles as well. Also, don’t give up on the online community. There are plenty of older singles who use matchmaking sites.
Are You Compatible?
No one wants to waste their time by going out on bad first dates. A good way to avoid this is to determine how compatible you are with your potential date. Use the following mental checklist to see if the date is worth the effort:
Is it easy to make conversation?
Do you have a few things in common?
Do you enjoy some of the same things?
Most importantly, do you enjoy the time you have spent together?
Are They Interested?
Sometimes, you may have a candidate in mind when you’re considering a date. Find out if they’re interested by looking for a few warning signs:
They approach you for conversation.
They make it a point to seek you out – either for a friendly smile, a wave, or a greeting.
They remember details about you, i.e. likes and dislikes, your regular habits, etc.
They invite you to group activities and events with friends.
Ask Them Out!
Even when you feel ready to date and you’re interested in someone who’s probably interested in you, asking someone out is a frightening experience. The fear of rejection is huge – but don’t let it be enough to stop you. If you’d like to go on a date with a certain person, the key to saving face (even in the face of rejection) is keeping it casual. Make it sound like a simple suggestion when you see each other out and about – “would you like to go get a cup of coffee?” for example.
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